The Thirsty Moose website has been converted into a pornographic site allowing locals to meet up with 18 year old girls who are ready to bang. Thirsty Moose owner, Joe Kelley swears it wasn’t him.
“I swear to God, guys, this was not me,” swore Kelley, like we said he did.
Police are looking for suspects for the alleged crime of turning the benign and uncontroversial Thirsty Moose website into a gallery of filthy barely legal cock-hungry schoolgirls looking for older men in Portsmouth.
“Thirsty Moose isn’t that bad, so we don’t know who would want to do this,” said Officer Rochelle Jones. “Yeah some of the old Page-goers go there, and occasionally we have to bust up fights, but honestly there are worse places. Their beer selection is good. This seems personal.”
Portsmouth residents were confused and angered by the cyber attack. “I don’t recognize any of these girls,” said one South End Portsmouth resident. “I just don’t believe that there are girls out there that I haven’t seen before who want to take me to bone town as enthusiastically as they say they will.” “There aren’t even this many young people in Portsmouth, let alone hot young local redheads who would be interested in doing anything to me. I’m not buying this free trial. This site is clearly fake,” said another who gave the Thirsty Moose ⅕ stars on Yelp for sex not being on the menu.
The site was still up as of Thursday evening.
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