PORTSMOUTH, NH – In what can only be described as a valiant attempt to bridge the societal gap, Portsmouth's elite closed down the city streets for a sumptuous "street.life" dinner in celebration of the 400th anniversary. The goal? To have everyone - from the wealthiest magnate to the average Joe - enjoy the festivities.
"We really wanted to bring the community together," stated the event organizer Thurston Donderro Foley Trefethen III, adjusting his monocle. "That's why we've taken to the streets! What better way to be close to the people? True, there might be a small velvet rope and a 20-foot distance in between, but it's the thought that counts."
The event featured:
1. A "People's Viewing Deck": A raised platform where the common folk could get a better view of the elites enjoying their meals. Binocular rentals were available for a "modest" fee.
2. Interactive History Lessons: Townsfolk could watch historical reenactors depicting the elite from various eras, ensuring everyone knew just how long the city's upper crust had been upper.
3. Communal Participation: Regular citizens were given the chance to vote on the color of napkin rings used at the event, bringing a true sense of involvement.
Dressed in an ensemble that looked suspiciously like the curtains from Portsmouth's historic Music Hall theater, a local heiress said, "We truly want to share our joy with everyone. Why, just this morning, I instructed my personal chef to toss a few breadcrumbs in the general direction of the viewing deck. Sharing is caring!"
When asked about the event's cost, Thurston responded, "We wanted to make sure the 400th anniversary was an event to remember. And nothing says 'memorable' quite like replacing the town's historic cobblestones with limited edition, hand-painted Versace tiles."
A local schoolteacher watching from behind a security barrier, remarked, "It's touching really. Where else can I watch someone eat gold-flaked caviar while I enjoy my homemade sandwich? It's a bonding experience."
As the evening drew to a close and attendees departed in their horse-drawn Teslas, the streets were left empty, save for the hundreds of Portsmouth commoners collecting discarded shrimp tails for souvenirs.
In related news, Portsmouth is reportedly planning its 401st-anniversary celebration – a potluck at the community center. Attendance is expected to be in the tens.
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