With the coming alignment of quadricentennial events among the four OG settlements of the Seacoast, Portsmouth and Dover 400 organizers have made plans to decide the region's fate with a battle royale between the champions of Portsmouth, Dover, Rye, and Newcastle.
“Each city council or board of selectmen will select five champions to represent the city or township,” said Valerie Rochon, Managing Director of Portsmouth 400 and spokesperson for the event whose working title is, “The Housing Games”
“We’re working on it,” she clarified. “The teams will then fight to the death in an arena to be chosen sometime this summer, depending on the water level at the time,” she said.
The Tug reached out to the leadership of the various boroughs to get some hint at who their champions might be.
“Out of the council, Mayor McEachern has the reach advantage,” said Portsmouth Assistant Mayor Joanna Kelley, “So he would pair well against Fergus Cullen of Dover. Plus, they’re both Irish, so...”
“Anyway, Denton has previous combat experience,” she continued. “But have you seen how scrappy Bagley is? I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side.”
“We’re not just considering councilors in the running, though,” said Mayor and part-time cell radio tower Deaglan McEachern. “For example, Nancy Pearson is an obvious choice due to her sheer ferocity. She’s always unnerved me, but most short people do.”
The Dover selection process has been no less intense. “We take this whole thing very seriously,” said Dover Mayor Bob Carrier, “Dover is going to make a showing, and we’re going to win. We’re tired of being upstaged by those snobby oceanfront types. Dover is the best, and we owned1623.”
“Hell, I’d even be up for a preview fight,” he challenged. “You hear me? Do you hear me?! Are you down, or are you cowards?!”
Rye and Newcastle representatives chose not to comment, stating that they really just didn’t want anyone to park there during the festivities.
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