ROCHESTER, NH - In a stunning turn of events, the Rochester community was shaken to its core when their favorite heroin dealer, affectionately known as "10 Rod Todd," was exposed as running his business only as a front for the controversial Free State Project's libertarian activism.
Sources close to the situation revealed that 10 Rod Todd, who actually goes by “Thomas Jefferson Freeman,” had been supplying the neighborhood with quality heroin for years, earning a spot as an honorary community leader in the process. This status was put into jeopardy, however, when his hidden agenda was unveiled: the promotion of the Free State Project's radical libertarian principles.
The revelation came after a series of events that began when Freeman’s trusty fanny pack, filled with plenty of good H but also some dark and seductive pamphlets advocating for limited government intervention, was inadvertently swapped at a local park with a child's lunchbox. The child's mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, reported the incident to local authorities and the media.
"It's one thing to have a friendly neighborhood heroin dealer," said the concerned mother, "but when people start advocating for voluntary association, sound money, and unschooling in our community, that's where we draw the line."
Neighbors were shocked to learn of 10 Rod Todd’s secret identity, as he had always been a model citizen.
"I just don't understand," lamented a tearful longtime customer between cigarette puffs on his stoop. "He was always so reliable, and his product was top-notch. I would never have guessed that he was also trying to dismantle the state."
Freeman has been arrested and faces multiple charges, including the distribution of unapproved political propaganda and being an insufferable close-talker. Despite the upheaval caused by his double life, the local community is determined to move forward.
"We might be down a heroin dealer, but we're not out," said the chair of Rochester’s Economic Development Commission. "We'll find someone else to supply the Lilac City’s chief export, someone who doesn't mix their drugs with politics."
The Tug reached out to Freeman for comment, whose only response was an incoherent stream of words that sounded something like, “Cryptographic blockchain Mises gold sovereignty NHExit.”
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